What If Something Happens
by Meg0613
Summary: The events of Townhouse Incident leave Barba with a question about what if something might happen to Liv. Is set after my other stories Someone Who Understands and Meltdowns and Realizations can be read alone. They have been dating for two-three months at this point. None of the characters are mine.
1. Chapter 1

What if Something Happens

The events of Townhouse Incident leave Barba with a question about what if something might happen to Liv. Is set after my other stories Someone Who Understands and Meltdowns and Realizations can be read alone. They have been dating for two-three months at this point.

"Liv, we are going to be late." Barba said anxiously looking at his watch as he walked back to Noah's bedroom where Olivia was finishing getting the boy dressed.

"Rafael, if you had been listening last night you would have heard me say that Lucy can't get here until 8:30 today so I can't leave until then." She reminded him; she only called him Rafael when she was annoyed at him on a personal level.

"But the DNA conference starts at 8:30." He hated to be late to anything especially anything work related.

"Well, I guess we can just leave Noah here to fend for himself for an hour. He can't reach the knives yet, well unless he pulls a chair over, he can reach the knobs on the stove but I'm sure it will be fine. "She said sarcastically causing Barba to roll his eyes at her. "You go on; I will get there as soon as I can."

Barba looked at his watch again trying to decide what to do. Olivia smiled at him, "Seriously you're going to drive me crazy, go I'll see you later."

"All right, I'll see you there. I love you guys." He said as he turned to the door.

"In Espanol Rafi." Noah exclaimed

Barba smiled at the boy, 'Te amo, mi chico".

"Tea mo mi Rafi." He said back with a big smile.

Olivia smiled at them both, "I love you both now go. Before you have and anxiety attack from being late."

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

He was a little concerned when she hadn't shown up and hadn't texted him at all but when he got Dodds' text that they had caught the push in rapist he figured she hadn't had time. That happened with both of them sometimes given their jobs and they both understood. Then suddenly standing there in her squad room he had a feeling something bad had happened.

" _Where's Liv?"_

" _She's at the DNA conference all day" Finn said_

" _No, she wasn't. I've been there all morning. I would have seen her." He heard himself saying._

Nobody at work knew about their relationship yet, they knew they needed to disclose it soon but were still enjoying the privacy that came with nobody knowing. He had to try and keep his emotions in check and his head clear. Then Carisi came in with Lucy and read that text. The moment he heard the name William Lewis he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. It took every ounce of restraint he had not to grab Dodds and shake him. How had this idiot gotten to be her second in command? Liv would have never not called him right back on something this important. He grabbed his phone and began to call her frantically, only to get her voice mail.

Her team got the address from Lucy and set off to track her down, "You coming Barba?" Finn asked.

"You guys go ahead. I will be catch up." He told them knowing he needed to talk to Lucy.

Once they were gone Lucy looked at Barba with concern, "Rafael, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have sent her." The young woman said.

"It's not your fault Lucy. I just need to know if you can get Noah from daycare and watch him until we figure this out or if I need to call my mother." He said wanting to make sure the boy would be cared for.

"Yes, of course. I will, just find Liv." She said

Barba looked down at his phone hoping to see something from her but all he saw was the picture he had taken of her and Noah last weekend at the park.

"We will, and don't forget Noah needs a breathing treatment before bed and he still has two days left on his antibiotic for the ear infection." He reminded her, his concern spilt between Noah and Liv. "You have my number right? Call me directly if anything happens with Noah and I want you to text me a picture every hour so that I know you guys are all right. We don't know what's going on."

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

The hours that followed were the longest of his life. As horrible as it was when Lewis had her this was worse. There was so much more at stake now. Not just what they had, but Noah too. At some point during the day he realized that he had no idea who would get custody of Noah if something was to happen to Liv. He knew he needed to file those thoughts away for now and focus on getting Liv out of that house.

He couldn't believe the relief he felt when Tucker arrived. Liv had been smart to ask for him. The guy could be a first rate asshole and Barba was pretty sure he had a thing for Liv but he was good at his job and would do everything he could to get her out. He watched his face as he talked to Joe after that idiot Ralph had tipped him off. They made eye contact and there was a brief moment where Barba wondered if Tucker knew. There was almost a look of apology in his eyes that he couldn't just send Ralph in there.

The next few things seemed to happened quickly, the dad was released, then the girl surrendered, the next thing he knew he saw Liv coming out holding the kids' hands Joe's gun to her head. He knew without a doubt if things stated to go bad she would take a bullet for those kids in a heartbeat. That was the job. She convinced him to let the kids go, then the next thing he knew she hit him and the snipers took him down. It was over, she was safe.

They rushed her to one of the ambulances as he made his way to her he could hear her, "I'm fine, I just want to go home and see my son." She was saying almost hysterically.

"Liv" He said as he reached her and put his hands on her shoulders gently guiding her to sit inside the open doors of the ambulance.

"Raf" she said reaching for his hands, "I just want Noah."

"I know, look Lucy just texted me this picture." He told her showing her a picture of the boy playing happily. "He's had his dinner and she's getting ready to give him a bath and his breathing treatment. Now I can go get him if you want and bring him to the hospital."

Seeing her son and listening to Barba's calm words began to help and she shook her head, "No I don't want him to see me like this."

Barba nodded, "OK, then let them take you to the hospital. Do you want me to go with you or do you want me to go home to Noah?" He asked her not wanting to leave her but wanting to do whatever was going to bring her the most comfort.

She gripped his hand, "Don't leave" she said barely above a whisper. At which point al of his control from the day crumbled he pulled her to himself.

"Nunca mi amor (never my love)" he whispered before he climbed into the ambulance with her.

"Sir, you can't ride with her." One of the paramedics told him.

"Watch me." Barba said with a look that dared him to argue with him.

As the ambulance drove away Tucker and the rest of her team stood trying to understand exactly what they had just witnessed. After they stood there for a few seconds it was finally Tucker who spoke up saying, "I think we all have work we need to do."

TBC

The second part hopefully will be up later today.


	2. Chapter 2

What If Something Happens

Chapter 2

Olivia had been off work for two weeks and was ready to get back she was just waiting on clearance from Dr. Lindstrom. She had an appointment in the morning and was determined to talk him into clearing her. Her boyfriend on the other hand was not as sure.

"Liv, I just think you should take some more time." Barba said not for the first time as he was finishing picking up Noah's toys from across the living room.

Olivia sighed she really didn't want to nor did she have the energy to fight with him on this tonight. "No, Rafael what you want is for the whole thing not to have ever happened." She pointed out.

"Yes, please forgive me for wishing that the woman that I love hadn't been taken hostage and held at gunpoint for several hours and then had a bullet come inches from her head. I'm kind of crazy that way." He snapped at her tossing the rest of the toys in the toy box.

"But you can't keep me from my job to keep me safe." She said her frustration growing.

"What are you even talking about Liv? I have never tried to keep you from your job and I never would. I know that part of your job is risking your life and yes that scares the hell out of me but I accept it as part of you. I just want to know you have dealt with this before you walk into the next situation." He explained waking over to her and putting his arms around her. "Liv, you are still having nightmares, you can't let Noah out of your sight, I just don't want you to rush yourself."

"Raf, I know, but I also know staying home isn't doing me any good either. I promise to keep seeing Dr. Lindstrom once a week. Come on, I need to know you have my back on this." She said softly.

Barba looked in her eyes and knew that she was right, "I always have your back." He told her before kissing her.

When they finished the kiss he pulled back and looked into her eyes the question that had been on his mind for two weeks he couldn't hold back anymore, "Liv, if something happens to you what happens to Noah? Who gets custody of him? I realized when this happened that I have no idea."

Olivia stepped back from his embrace and took a breath knowing that he wasn't going to like the answer she gave him.

"I don't know if tonight is the best night for this conversation Raf." She said looking out the window.

"Sweetheart, the question is kind of out there now." He said gently confused by her reaction.

She turned back and looked at him for a minute before answering, "Elliot and Kathy agreed to take him if anything ever happens to me."

Rafael looked as if he had been slapped in the face; he blinked and pushed his lips together. Olivia knew he was trying to keep from yelling.

"Excuse me?" Were finally the only words that he was able to say.

"Raf, you need to understand..." She started to say.

"Yes, I need to understand, I need to understand why on earth you would want your former partner and all of his issues raising your son." He interrupted his anger seeping out.

"Whatever Elliot's issues are he's a great father and Kathy is an amazing mother. They have raised five children." She explained.

"Yes, and if the stories I have heard are correct at one point she kicked him out because he couldn't separate work and home and then when she got pregnant they got back together." He exclaimed.

"I don't need you to tell me Elliot's history Rafael. I lived most of it." She snapped at him.

"Should I ask how closely?" He asked and instantly regretted it.

"Don't you dare." She said anger flashing in her eyes, "I have been very honest with you about that relationship and you don't get to question one of the most difficult and important parenting decisions that I have ever made."

"Why him Liv?" He asked. "Elliot doesn't know the first thing about Noah. He doesn't know what he's scared of. He doesn't know that he only likes the maple and brown sugar oatmeal. He doesn't know that if you sing to him during a breathing treatment he will stop crying. I didn't see Elliot here holding Noah all night when his asthma flared up a few weeks ago so that you could get some sleep. I don't see Elliot here when Noah wants to play or read or go to the park."

"It's not him Raf, it's them. Kathy and Elliot both, because when I drew the papers up I really didn't have any other choice. This isn't about me picking him over you. When I drew these papers up you had held Noah once and looked completely terrified. This has nothing to do with us" She explained trying to be calm.

Barba's anger was fading but the hurt and questioning remained, "I'm sorry, I should not have questioned why you chose them. I know you would always do what you thought was best for Noah." He said then continued, "Would you consider changing them?" he asked.

Now it was Olivia's turn to be in complete shock, "Raf, what exactly are you asking here?"

Barba turned away unsure himself of what he was asking. He stared out the window afraid to let her see all that he was feeling at the moment, "I don't know Liv, all I know is that I realized that day when you were in that townhouse that if you didn't make it out I would not only lose you but I also might lose Noah too. I don't know what I would do if I lost you both, I really don't" he told her his normally hard as steel exterior beginning to crumble.

Olivia stared at him from across the room suddenly understanding the position he was in. She had no doubts about his love for her or for Noah. Her heart broke at the sight of him staring out the window she could feel his fear of losing them both. "Raf, please look at me." She said. He turned to face her and she could see the tears forming in his eyes. They stood there for several minutes neither speaking but just holding each other knowing they didn't have all of the answers to the questions that they were now facing.

"I love you, Raf, you know that right? And you know that I trust you completely with Noah, right?" She asked him.

"I love you Liv and I love Noah and when I think about losing you and not being able to be there for Noah to help him through that and him being carted off to people that he doesn't even know, Liv it kills me." He explained to her trying to keep some control over his emotions.

Olivia looked at him again a new realization coming to her. He was not only thinking about his loss but also what the effects of all of it would be on Noah. He wanted to be the one to help Noah through it if something did happen to her. She could feel the tears forming in her own eyes and she nodded her head.

"I understand that Raf, I do, but do you really think you are ready to be a fulltime single dad if something happened to me without any notice?" She asked him.

Barba ran his fingers through her hair, "I don't know Liv, until three months ago I had never even thought about it but everything in my life has changed in the last three months." He told her honestly.

They stood there for several minutes holding each other almost afraid to let go. "So what do we do now?" Barba asked her as they stood there with their foreheads leaning on each other.

Olivia placed a soft kiss on his lips, "First I thank you for loving my son enough to think about all of this. Then we keep talking about it. We don't have to figure it all out tonight Raf."

He leaned back and looked at her and hesitated for a minute before he said anything else, "I could not love either of you more Liv and I'm ok with not figuring it all out tonight, I just need to know one thing." He told her.

"What's that?" She asked

"Is it something you can at least see as a possibility one day, me being a dad to Noah? With you or God forbid if something ever happened to you by myself?"

"My Love, you wouldn't be standing here if I couldn't" She told him before kissing him.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

What if Something Happens

Chapter 3

Set after " A Misunderstanding"

Olivia looked up from her laptop screen when she felt his hands began to slowly rub her shoulders.

"Is he asleep already?" She asked scooting back to give him better access, "How do you always get him down so quickly?"

Barba smiled as he leaned closer and scooted her hair off of her neck placing a few kisses down the side of it until he reached her shoulder, "Don't you know by now I have a magic touch." He said.

"Oh is that so?" She asked pretending to not be affected by his actions.

"Do you doubt?" He asked as he reached around her and unbuttoned the top button of her blouse, smiling to himself when he heard her breath catch. He continued his kisses back up her neck until he reached her face and turned her head slightly so he could reach her lips that were already parted and waiting for him. Their tongues danced together for a few minutes until he finally broke it off.

"If you would care to join me in the bedroom Lieutenant I could give you a proper demonstration." He whispered.

Olivia leaned over and kissed him again, "Well Counselor, it has been awhile sense I had a proper demonstration." She said as stood up and walked towards her bedroom unbuttoning her blouse as she went smiling back at him as she tossed it to the ground, "Are you coming?"

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

As the laid in bed later that night Barba remembered Olivia coming by his office earlier that day.

"Hey, you never told me why else you came by today." He asked as he ran his fingers through her hair, "I know it wasn't just to tell me you thought I did a good job."

Olivia propped her head upon her hand, "How do you know I didn't just want to see you." She said with a smile.

Barba laughed, "Now I know you are holding something back, what is it?"

"Ok, so Noah and I have somewhere to go on Saturday and it would mean a lot to me if you would go with us, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable." She explained.

"I can't imagine anywhere you and Noah would be going that I wouldn't want to go Liv. So where are we going?" He asked wondering what it could possibly be.

"Every few months we go out to Queens and spend Saturday with Elliot and Kathy. Kathy called today to see if this Saturday would work." She told him studying him almost like she would a suspect to gauge his reaction.

"You, me, Noah, your former partner, his wife, in Queens, what better way to spend a Saturday." He said dryly

"Rafael…"She started before he cut her off with a kiss.

"I'm teasing. Mi Amor, of course I will go." He told her.

"And be nice?" She asked "Despite whatever happened along the way Elliot and Kathy are people I have always been able to count on and I want you to know them."

He smiled at her as her wrapped an arm around her pulling her closer to himself. "Liv, it means a lot to me that you would ask me to go. I know what they mean to you, even if I don't completely understand it all. I want to go and meet them, and yes I will be nice." He told her before kissing her again.

As they kissed she rolled over on top of him breaking the kiss apart to look down at him, "I love you Raf, I love you more than you know."

"Lo se ( _I know)_ Mi Amour, lo se." He told her before they made love again.

BarsonBarsonBarsonBarson

Olivia looked at Barba who was driving them across the 59th street bridge. He was dressed casually, well as casually as he ever dressed in perfectly pressed khakis and a button down shirt with no tie. She glanced in the rear view mirror at Noah who was playing with a couple of cars. She smiled when realized what Barba has dressed him in.

"The full Yankees outfit I see." She said with a smirk. She didn't know how he knew that Elliot was a Mets fan but she had no doubt he had figured it out.

"What, I thought we agreed we were raising him a Yankees fan." He said trying to look innocent and not succeeding.

She opted to not question his choice of words given the day ahead of them. "Are we feeling the need to mark our territory? Should I have gotten a shirt that said 'Barba's Girl'?" She asked him with a laugh.

"How do you know I don't have one in the trunk?" He teased.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him before reaching for his hand, "I know this isn't the easiest thing for you and I really do appreciate it."

He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed it, "It's important to you and to Noah, it's important to me."

Olivia directed him the rest of the way to the Stabler's house. As they pulled into the drive she could tell he was nervous. When he turned the car off she leaned over and kissed him, "I love YOU " she reminded him and he gave her smile.

He got out of the car and walked around to unbuckle Noah from his car seat "permite ir a mi hijo _(let's go my boy)_ " he said

"Rafi carry me?" The boy asked him

"Claro, _(of course)._ " He answered

As always Olivia smiled watching the two of them together. She knew in her heart that Noah could not have a better man in his life.

"Hey, you're here!" Olivia heard her former partner call from the front porch. She offered her boyfriend one last reassuring smile before turning around to see Elliot and Kathy both standing there.

"Hi" she said as she quickly hugged them both.

"Elliot, Kathy, this is Rafael Barba." She introduced them.

Not letting Noah down he reached his hand out which Elliot quickly shook, "It's nice to finally meet you." Barba said hoping it sounded genuine.

Elliot nodded, "You too."

Kathy reached out and offered Barba and Noah a hug causing Noah to lean further into Barba.

"It nice to meet you Kathy, Olivia speaks very highly of you." He said feeling more genuine. "How are you Noah?" She asked.

"Noah, di hola" Barba tried to coax a hello out of the boy but he simply buried his head into Barba's neck.

"We are in a bit of a slow to warm up phase." Olivia explained.

"Bano Rafi." Noah said quietly.

"Claro, Mi Hijo, Where is your restroom" He asked.

"Oh I can show you." Kathy said showing him inside.

" Raf, you got him ok." Olivia asked.

Barba smiled at her, "Liv, we've been over this, I think I'm better equipped to handle the potty training thing." He reminded her as he carried Noah and his bag into the house.

Elliot stood there looking between them in silence amazed at the exchange. As Olivia walked by him to head in the house she heard him mumble, "Does he have to be a Yankees fan?"

"Don't start Stabler." She shot back at him.

The afternoon was surprisingly comfortable once everyone settled in. Noah kept them entertained with his usual antics. They cooked out in the back yard and Noah was able to play on the swing set that was left from Kathy and Elliot's youngest. Elliot and Kathy wondered if their guest had any idea how they operated together like a family. Watching the three of them together you would never know that they hadn't been together since Noah's birth or before.

It was getting late and Noah was filthy from playing outside.

"Olivia, do you want to give him a bath before you go home in case he falls asleep?" Kathy offered.

"Yes, that would be great. I have a feeling he's going to pass out." Olivia said as she started to get up for her chair on the patio.

Barba got up first and shook his head and smiled at her, "Sit, drink, talk, I've got the boy." He said kissing her quickly.

"Noah, hora del baño, Mi Chico." He called to the boy who was running through the backyard.

"No, Rafi, yo no quiero _(I don't want to)_ the boy protested .

"Si la hora del baño señor" Barba called to him more firmly. Noah continued running in the back yard not responding to Barba.

Kathy and Elliot watched the exchange to see what would happen and if Olivia would step in. They watched as Barba crossed the yard and gently knelt in front of the boy.

"Noah, it's been a nice day but now it is time for the tub. Do you understand me ?" He asked quietly but firmly.

The boy looked at him for a minute and nodded, "Si, Rai"

"Bien" Barba told him as he hugged him.

As they started to walk inside Kathy followed them in, "I'll get you a towel." She offered leaving Olivia and Elliot alone on the patio.

"He's really good with him." Elliot said

Olivia smiled a smile Elliott had never seen before,"Yes he is."

"Seems like he's pretty good with you too." He added

Olivia laughed, "He does all right."

"Seriously Liv, I've known you for almost twenty years, I've never seen you this happy. So where are things going?" Elliot asked.

"I don't know yet El, we are taking it slow."

"Liv, he's potty training and bathing your son, and teaching him Spanish . You have an odd definition of slow."Elliot pointed out.

"It's complicated." She said taking a sip of her wine.

"Are you guys living together?" He asked her

"Not officially." She said though truthfully Barba hadn't spent a night at his place in probably two months.

"Do people know?" Elliot asked

"We've disclosed to our bosses." She said.

"And your team?" He asked

"After the thing at the townhouse, I think they have a pretty good idea." She told him."He asked me about Noah, about what happens with Noah if something happens to me."

Elliot took a sip of his beer and nodded, "So what are you thinking ?" He asked.

"I don't know, we've only been dating going on four months. Do you ask some one you've only been dating for four months to raise your child? We haven't really even talked about marriage yet." She said in confusion.

"Liv look around he already is raising him. You don't have to ask him. The question is do you want him to be the one to raise Noah if something happens?"Elliot asked her.

They sat there in the quiet for a minute until Olivia final said, "There is nobody I would rather raise Noah with me or without me."

"So what's the problem?" Elliot asked

"Right now he can still walk away at any minute of he wants. I don't want him staying with me because he feels obligated to Noah and I don't want him agreeing to take Noah because he feels obligated to me. It's all so complicated El."

"Liv, I just met the man today but I can tell he's crazy about both of you. He doesn't strike me as someone who is going to be walking away." Elliot told her. "Is it maybe you are afraid of making things more permanent between you two or with him and Noah?"

"Who are you Dr. Lindstrom ?" She asked "Like I said it's complicated. If something does happen before I figure it all out El," she started her voice shaking, "if he says he wants Noah, I want him to have him, do you understand, me? But you have to promise me you and Kathy will help him." She explained tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Liv, Kathy and I will do whatever you want. We will raise Noah if we ever need to or we will be there for Barba. He's a good man Liv, he will be , no he is a good dad to Noah."

Just then they heard Noah coming back outside, "Snuggles Momma!" He yelled as he jumped into her lap.

"Oh you smell good! Did Rafi give you bubbles?" She asked

"Don't I always?" Barba asked as he joined them.

Olivia looked at Barba his clothes that had started the day so perfectly pressed now with bits of dirt and Noah's dinner scattered over them. His sleeves rolled up and slightly wet from Noah's bath. No, he definitely did not look like a man who was going anywhere.

Olivia smiled, "I think it's time I take my boys home."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

What If Something Happened

Chapter 4

Rafael Barba scanned the SVU squad room as he walked through the door. It had been a quiet and he hadn't been here all week. Dodds was of course busy working on paperwork. Carisi looked like he was studying for class. Rollins and Finn were talking over a case file.

"Afternoon everyone," Barba said as he walked in.

"Counselor, did you miss us?" Rollins joked.

"I don't think it's us he was missing" Finn muttered which earned him a glare from Barba.

"Just need to talk to the boss." He said as he made his way to Olivia's office. Everyone watched him walk in noticing he didn't bother to knock.

Olivia looked up and closed her laptop when he walked in.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" She asked obviously pleased to see him.

"I thought I would take you to lunch." He said with a smile

"Lunch with no case to work on, this will get them talking." She laughed motioning to her team who were pretending to work but had been trying to watch them.

"Sweetheart they are already talking. Now are you going to let me take you to lunch?" He asked leaning over her desk not even attempting to hide his flirting.

"Would I ever pass up lunch with my favorite ADA?" She asked with a grin.

She grabbed her purse and strolled through the squad room.

"Going to lunch try and actually work a little while I'm gone." She said not making eye contact with anyone on her way out.

Barba made a point to shoot Finn a quick satisfied grin as they left and he losley put his hand in on the small of Olivia's back.

Olivia smiled as they rounded the corner from the precinct and she felt Barba's arm wrap around her waist and pull her close. She turned to face him and smiled into the kiss that was waiting for her.

"Miss me?" She asked

"Always, one day I'm going to do that in your office with your whole nosey team watching." He said before kissing her again.

She laughed and pulled him by the arm, "Come on I'm hungry."

"So what's up?" She asked him after they had ordered their food.

"McCoy called me to his office this morning." He started.

Olivia gave him a concerned look, "About us?" She asked

"No, not really," he said, "he wants me to first chair the Vagin trial."

Olivia stared at him Anton Vagin was the head of one of the largest mob families in New York. A massive operation had just taken him down.

"Raf, that's incredible, it might be the most high profile trials this city has had in twenty years."Olivia said knowing that this was a great opportunity for him.

"So you are all right with it then?" He asked her.

Olivia shook her head and smiled at him, "Rafael Barba you have been waiting years for an opportunity like this. I would never dream of asking you not to take it. Don't get me wrong I will miss working with you but I am so happy for you and so proud of you." She said holding his hand.

"It could take awhile Liv, it might be six months or more before I'm back with SVU." He pointed out.

"Raf, if we weren't together would you even think twice about taking it?" She asked him.

"No, but we are and that changes things." He told her honestly.

"Like what?" She asked

"It comes with more risk" He said

"As you have pointed out many times I take that kind of risk everyday." She reminded him.

"We will be fine Raf, you need to do this." She insisted.

"McCoy said if I say yes he's ordering protection for and I quote 'Wherever I might be living."

Olivia looked at him for a second realization beginning to set it. He had officially moved in last month when the lease ran out on his apartment that he hadn't slept in in over three months. "Did you tell him you are living with me and that I'm pretty good with a gun?" She tried to joke it off.

"He said it's nonnegotiable," Barba told her and paused before continuing," And I want Noah to have protection if he's not with us or at daycare If he and Lucy are out I want someone watching him."

"Raf, I think you are going overboard." She told him.

"That part's nonnegotiable for me Liv. These people don't play. I guarantee you that the second I am announced they will know everything about me and they won't hesitate to come after my family. That's my mom you and Noah. You and my mom are two damn stubborn to take it I know." He told her not asking permission. "Protection on the building and protection for Noah when he's out without us, or I don't take the case Liv. "

Olivia sat quietly and for a minute. Part of her wanted to ask him who he thought he was deciding what was best for her son. She already knew the answer to that question though, he was thinking as Noah's father. He was right they were a family even if it was unconventional and undefined. She could not fault him for his concern she had seen enough to know the threats were real. She also knew if she told him she couldn't live with the protection he wouldn't take the case without holding it against her. She however could not live with herself if he did that.

She offered him a half smile, "You drive a damn hard bargain Barba."

He brushed the hair back from her face, "It's part of what you love about me." He said with a smile and a kiss. "Thank you Liv."

"So I guess it's time to officially tell my team before they hear about all the details of our comings and goings from uniformed officers." She said.

"That could be fun at least." He said with a grin.

Back outside the squad room after lunch Olivia took a deep breath before walking in with Barba. "Ready?' She asked and laughed when she saw the delighted look on his face.

"All right everyone I need to fill you in on something." She announced as she walked in.

"Oh really, what might that be?" Finn asked sarcastically earning him glares from Olivia and Barba both.

"McCoy has asked Barba to first chair the Vagin trial, so we will be losing him for a while." She explained.

"Congratulations Counselor" Carisi said first and the others quickly joined in wishing him luck.

"As part a precaution for this case McCoy is ordering protection for Barba and…" she hesitated

"And my family" he said putting his hands on Liv's shoulders.

"There will be uniformed cops on our building and Noah will have protection when he is not with one of us." Olivia added deciding they were smart enough to put the details together for themselves.

Finn stood up , "It's about damn time you guys said something."

Olivia just rolled her eye and Barba stood there looking like the Cheesier Cat. "All right I think you all have work to do, and don't you have a case to prepare for Counselor?"

"Yes, but not before I do this." He said before dropping a quick but purposeful kiss on her lips, causing her team to snicker like children.

Olivia playful pushed him away, "I am surrounded by children." She said before turning back to her office.

BarsonBarsonBarson

Five months Later

Rafael walked confidently out of the courtroom, jury selection was complete and the Vagin trial would start tomorrow. He felt good about the jury and was anxious to get the trial underway. First things first though it was Halloween and he had a newly turned three year old to take trick or treating tonight.

He pulled his phone out to see what he might have missed since lunch break and saw Olivia's text to call her before he left the courthouse. He quickly punched her number and smiled when she answered.

"How did it go? Did you finish selection? "She asked immediately.

"Yes, trial starts at 9:00 tomorrow morning." He told her, "What do you need from the courthouse? O'Dwyer not able to get you a subpoena you want me to try my magic?" He asked feeling confident.

Olivia laughed, "No darling, O'Dwyer is meeting my subpoena needs just fine." She told him.

"Wow, that hurts." He teased, "So what do you need?"

"The preschool called and we need copies of Noah's birth certificate and adoption papers before he can start next week. Can you go by records and pick up an extra copy?"

"Sure, do you want me to pick up dinner on the way home too?" He asked.

"No, I will order Chinese when I get home. I'm leaving here now. Oh, by the way your mom called and wanted to know if she could come with us to take Noah trick or treating." She added.

"My mother called you? Why does that make me nervous?" He laughed as he walked towards the records division. "All right let me get in here, I will see you at home soon, love you."

"Love you Raf" She told him as she gathered her things to leave.

Barba walked into the division and approached the clerk who he knew, "Hey Grace, I need to get a copy of Noah Benson's birth certificate and adoption papers. Birthday 10-15-13. "

The clerk stared at him for a minute, "Do you have a warrant Mr. Barba?" She asked in confused why he would need them.

Barba laughed, "No, Grace, Liv and I have been living together for a while now, we are enrolling Noah in a great new preschool and we need to proper documents. "

"I'm sorry , you aren't listed on any of those documents. I can't give them to you. Lieutenant Benson will have to come get them." She explained, "Unless you can get a subpoena." She laughed nervously.

Barba just looked at her, "I'm not getting a subpoena to get my son's records." He said even though he knew she was right legally he had no claim to them.

"I'm sorry Mr. Barba legally he's not your son." She told him apologetically

Barba turned to walk out his good mood from earlier quickly vanishing. As he stood outside waiting for a cab he flashed back to a night at dinner a few months ago.

 _It was a rare weeknight that they were all three home at dinner time. When Noah looked at him and asked, "Rafi, how do you say Daddy is Espanol ?"_

 _Barba and Olivia looked at each other briefly before he answered, "Papi, Mi Chicho"_

" _So you are my Papi?" He asked_

 _The two grownups looked at each other not sure how to answer. Barba smiled at him and answered truthfully, "I would love to be your Papi."_

 _Since that day Noah had called him Papi and Barba had switched to calling Noah Mi Hijo, his son._

He had seen the tears in Olivia's eyes during the conversation but they had never talked about it. They still hadn't talked about it or legally changing any of Noah's papers. Barba now was determined that it was time to have that conversation.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

What If Something Happens

Chapter 5

Barba spent most of the cab ride back to the apartment trying to get control of his emotions especially his temper. He had committed to himself when things got serious with Liv and Noah he wouldn't treat them the way his father had treated his mother and him. He was so mad though, and embarrassed, but mostly he was hurt and confused. She had been avoiding the topic for months now and he didn't understand why.

The apartment was surprisingly quiet when he got home. He found Olivia in their room changing out of her work clothes.

"Where's Noah?" He asked

"He's on the iPad in his room having some quiet time before dinner." She said as she turned around she could tell something was wrong.

"What's wrong? Did something happen with the case?" She asked.

"No, the case is fine. I couldn't get Noah's papers though, at least not without a subpoena." He told her clearly unhappy.

Olivia stared at him for a minute then understanding set in, "Im sorry Raf. I didn't even think about it." She said.

"Liv, we have to talk about this. We said we would keep talking about it and we haven't. Every time I bring it up you change the subject. I don't understand why." He said doing his very best to not yell at her. "Do you have any idea what that felt like today. To have the clerk look at me and say 'legally he's not your son'"

"Raf, I am really sorry I should have thought about it and gotten them "Olivia apologized.

"Liv, that's not the point!" He finally yelled. "I want to be able to get them, I want to know of something happens The Stablers aren't going to come in and take Noah from me."

"They aren't going to take Noah from you if you want him. I made Elliot promise me that months ago." She said trying not to cry.

"What? You've told him I can keep Noah but you won't tell me? Or is it in the end that Elliot gets to decide if I'm a fit father?" He continued to yell staring at her is disbelief.

"No Raf, it's not that at all," she tried to explain but was still unable too after all of these months.

"Then what the hell is it?"

"I don't want you to feel obligated to him or to me. I want you here because you want to be here not because you have to be." She finally blurted out.

"God damn it Olivia what more could I do to show you that I want to be here?" He yelled.

"Papi what's wrong?" Noah came into the bedroom after hearing the yelling.

"Nada Hijo." He said, "Are you ready to trick or treat?"

"Si, I want to get my Luke Skywalker costume on!" He told him excitedly.

"After dinner" Olivia said trying to pull herself back together.

Rafael and Olivia managed to not speak to each other through dinner and getting Noah ready. They had just gotten Noah into his costume when Lucia arrived.

"Abuelito!" Noah yelled and ran to her arms.

"Nieto ( _grandson_ ) Noah" Lucia said pulling the boy in for a hug."Are you ready for trick or treating?"

"Yes Abuelito! Let's go!" Noah was jumping up and down.

"Hi Lucia" Olvia said hugging her.

"Hola Mami" Rafael hugged her.

The tension in the room was not lost on Lucia.

"Why, don't you and your mom take him to start and I will stay here and pass out candy." Olivia offered knowing they needed space.

"Sure, Noah go get your lights saber and bucket." Rafael said still not making eye contact.

"Have fun, Noah stay with Papi and Abuelito and no candy until you get home." Olivia instructed

"Yes, Momma." He said running to the door with the other two adults following him.

They had just gotten down the steps to the building and checked in with the officers watching the building when Lucia grabbed Rafael by the arm.

"What is wrong? What did you do?" She asked him.

Barba knew better than to act like nothing was wrong his mother knew him to well. "I did nothing Mami." He defended himself

"It's always two people" She reminded him.

"Not this time. It's her move and she won't make it." He said

"What is her move?" Lucia asked.

"I want some kind of legal standing with Noah in case something happens and she won't talk about it. She says she doesn't want me to feel obligated she wants to know it is what I want. Mami I honestly don't know what else I could do." He told her.

"Rafael, how did I raise a boy who is so smart and so slow all at the same time?" She asked

"What Mami? What am I being slow about?" He asked completely confused.

Lucia shook her head, "Olivia doesn't want you to be Noah's father 'in case something happens' she wants to know you want to be his father if nothing ever happens too."

Rafael looked at her still confused, "But I'm already doing that." He insisted.

"Yes, but she needs something else. Right now she knows you are committed to Noah, maybe she doesn't know you are as committed to her." She explained to him smiling as she saw the realization creeping onto his face.

"You mean…"He said out loud not finishing his thought.

"Yes, Hijo, you missed a step along the way." She laughed.

They let Noah trick or treat for awhile but his legs soon gave out and Barba carried him home.

"I'm going to get him changed." He told Olivia his mind full of thoughts.

Lucia pulled Olivia into a hug before leaving, "Te quiero hija" she said.

Olivia was taken back. Lucia had always been warm with her but had never told her she loved her and now she called her daughter.

"I love you, Lucia" She said hugging her a little tighter.

Barba retuned a few minutes later, "He's out" he told her feeling the distance between them.

"Raf," she started.

"I can't tonight Liv, I want to but I have to get my head into tomorrow." He told her honestly.

Olivia nodded understanding,"OK, then, Im gong to go to bed. I love you." She said.

"I love you too" He said as he watched her walk to their room.

Olivia tossed and turned in bed for the next few hours her dreams plaguing her. Nightmares were not uncommon for her but usually Raf was there next to her. His absence from their bed made things worse. When he finally came to bed he saw her tossing and turning and didn't hesitate before stripping down to his boxers and climbing into bed and pulling her to himself.

"Dormir amor , yo soy su ( _sleep well my love I am here_ )" he whispered. "I am sorry I yelled at you Liv" he added

"I'm sorry I am hurting you." She whispered.

Rafael softly kissed the side of her face, "We are going to figure it out, now sleep."

The next morning when Raphael got out of the shower he was surprised to find Olivia sitting on the bed with a large garnet bad sitting next to her.

"Going somewhere?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I got you something for today." She said with a hesitant smile as she pointed to the bag.

Raphael opened it to find a brand new black there piece suit with gray shirt, tie, and pocket square. Looking at it at once he knew it had probably cost more than Olivia's entire wardrobe.

"Liv, you shouldn't have." He said in shock over her gift, "It's too much."

"No, Raf, I wanted you to know how proud I am of you. Do you like it? I took it to your tailor and he's pretty sure he got the sizes right." She told him nervously.

"It's perfect" he told her.

"Hold on Noah has something for you too. Noah, bring Papi his present." She called out and the boy came running in carrying a small box,

"Here Papi!" He said

Rafael opened it to find a new pair of silver cuffs links.

"Turn them over." Olivia said quietly.

Rafael turned them over where they said, _To Papi love Noah_. Olivia could see the emotion on his face.

"Noah, Papi needs to get ready. Let's get you to daycare." She told her son.

"Liv,"Rafael called out as she was walking away.

"What?" She asked turning back to him.

"You'll come today, if you don't have a case?" He asked her trying to let her know how much he needed her.

She walked back and kissed him, "I wouldn't miss it My Love."

BarsonBarsonBarson

The trial was eight days long. It still surprised Barba after all of these years how he could spend months preparing for something that only took a few days to complete. Wearing the suit Olivia gave him again he had made his closing argument that morning. He read her text as he walked out of the courthouse.

 _Sorry I missed your summation. Caught a break in the case. I know you were fabulous._

 _I understand, call me when you can, love you._

It was the middle of the afternoon and all he could do now was wait. He decided to make the best use of his time and finish something else. He hailed a cab and rode to the same jewelry shop where Olivia had bought his new cuff links.

" , is the case over?" The owner asked

"Just waiting on the jury," He told him, "Is it ready?" He asked nervously.

The older man smiled, "It is, and I must say it's beautiful." He told him as he pulled the ring box out to show him.

Barba's breath caught when he saw it. A crystal clear two carat diamond with Noah's birthstone on either side of it set in platinum.

"It's perfect David, thank you." He told the man as he paid.

"Good luck, with the case and Lieutenant Benson" The man said with a smile.

"Thanks, hopefully I've done my best with both." Barba laughed, taking one last look at the ring before slipping it into his pocket.

His mind was going between Olivia and wondering when the jury would be back. He had decided to wait until after the trial was over to ask her. It was taking all of his self control to not go straight to the precinct and ask her right now. He planned to take her back to that Spanish place where they had eaten dinner almost a year ago on what could be loosely called their first date. He could picture the look on her face, or at least what he hoped would be the look on her face. Her face was the last thing to cross his mind before he heard the pop and the feel of hot metal in his side and everything went dark.

TBC

A/N Thank you so much for all of the reviews! I appreciate them more than I can say! Especially the ones who have offered input on the Spanish!


	6. Chapter 6

What If Something Happens

Chapter 6

"Someone get O'Dwyer down here since he's lawyered up." Olivia said in frustration, this case hadn't been easy from the start and she hated that she had missed Barba's summation this morning. She had to admit she loved watching him work in court. She had since the very beginning.

"Funny, now that it's not Barba with us you're never in such a hurry to call the ADA yourself." Finn teased her.

"Don't you have paperwork to do Finn?" She asked.

"Lieutenant Benson," A young uniformed officer said coming in to the squad room carrying a large envelope. "A messenger just dropped this off for you they said they are from your lawyer."

"Thank you." Olivia said ignoring the questioning stares of her team. "Dodds, get O'Dwyer down here." She instructed before walking back to her office.

She sat down at her desk and opened the envelope and pulled out the papers. The day after Halloween she had called her lawyer and had him start the process of having him draw up papers so that Raf could adopt Noah. She had not told him about it yet. She wanted to wait until she had the papers and could surprise him with it. Now she just needed the jury to come back in the trial. She thought they would go back to that Spanish place where he and taken her and Noah to dinner for the first time, back to where this has all started.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Finn knocked on her door she immediately noticed the concerned look on his face, "What's wrong, did something happen with the suspect?"

"No, Liv, it's Barba, he's been shot." He told her as he watched the color drain from her face.

"Where are they taking him? " She asked gathering her things

"Lenox Hill, come on I will drive you." He told her.

"I have to get Noah." She said

"The officers already have him and Lucy safe at your apartment." Finn told her as they walked into the squad room.

"Rollins, will you go stay at my place?" She asked knowing she would feel better with one of her own there.

"Of course, Liv" Rollins told her.

"Carisi, I need you to go pick Lucia up from her school and bring her to the hospital. " She instructed.

"Of course Lieutenant"

"Dodds, you and O'Dwyer deal with the case. Call someone from another department if you have to." She instructed as Finn led her toward the elevator.

"He's going to be OK Liv." Finn did his best to reassure her while they drove to the hospital.

Olivia just looked out the window. "You know he's always talking about what would happen with Noah of something happened to me. Now I can't imagine what Noah and I would do without him." She said fighting back tears.

"We aren't going to find out Liv" Finn said quietly.

They reached the hospital flashing their badges to get through the gathering crowd.

"Lieutenant, we aren't ready to answer questions yet and we already sent his personal effects with an officer." One of the triage nurses told her.

"She's not here as a police officer" Finn explained quietly.

The nurse looked up at Olivia's pale face and understood, "I assume you are his emergency contact." The nurse said not waiting for an answer, "Come with me family can wait down here."

"His mother will be here soon." Olivia told her finally able to find words.

"We will bring her down, I will have a doctor come in soon to brief you." She told them.

"Please, can you tell me how he was?" Olivia asked grabbing the nurse's hand.

The nurse gently put her hand over top Olivia's. "He's in surgery to get the bullet out. He lost a lot of blood but they don't think it hit anything major."

Olivia nodded, "Thank you" she said just as she heard Lucia coming down the hall.

"Olivia hija, what happened?" She asked as she hugged her tight.

"I don't know Lucia, the last text I got from him was that he was running an errand while he waited for the jury. I haven't gotten to talk to anyone involved with the case."

"Finn will you and Carisi go see what you can find out?" She asked.

"You gonna be ok?" Finn asked

"Yes, thank you for everything." She told him.

Her two detectives left leaving Olivia and Lucia sitting in the family waiting room holding hands waiting for the doctor to come in. Finally a surgeon came in, "Are you all 's family?" He asked.

"Yes" Lucia answered quickly.

"I'm going to be honest with you it could have been a lot better but it could have been a lot worse." He explained

"Is he going to be all right?" Olivia asked her voice shaking.

"He's stable for now, he was very lucky. It missed his heart but nicked an artery. So lots of blood loss and we are going to have to watch him closely. We will know more in a few hours." He told them.

"When can we see him?" Olivia asked.

"It's going to be awhile." He told them, "And he might not wake up for several hours."

Olivia nodded, "Thank you, Doctor"

As the doctor left Finn and Carisi came back in. "They've got the guy Liv. He's one of Vagin's people and he's talking. Do you want us to go down and listen to what he's saying?" Finn asked.

"Yes, but don't overstep." She told them, "Also, check in with Dodds tell him to call me if he or O'Dwyer need me."

They both nodded as they left. Olivia then called and checked in with Rollins and Lucy. Rollins was going to head back and help Dodds and Lucy would stay with Noah as long as they needed her.

"How is mi Nieto?" Lucia asked when Olivia came back.

Olivia smiled, "He is fine, Lucy is going to get him to bed and stay with him." Olivia walked around the small waiting room and looked out the window. "You know when I adopted Noah, I never really thought about him having a father or a grandmother. I always thought it would just be the two of us but somehow we ended up with a family. Now that could be gone." She said the tears finally starting to fall.

"Hija, Rafi is going to pull through but we will always be family regardless." Lucia told her wiping the tears off the younger woman's face.

"I've never had a family Lucia, I've never had anyone I could trust to be there. I'm not sure that I will be good at it." She confessed.

"Olivia you love my Rafi, right?" Lucia asked.

"More than anything, he and Noah are my world." She said tears streaming down her face.

"He loves you and you both love Noah, you will make it work." She told her.

"Mrs. Barba, Lieutenant Benson, the doctor said one of you can take turns visiting with him now." A nurse came and told them.

"Go Hija, I will wait." Lucia said letting go of Olivia.

Olivia followed the nurse back to the ICU where Barba was. Olivia was taken back by the sight of him connected to the tubes and monitors. She sank down in the chair next to him and took his hand.

"Oh Raf, how did this happen? You spent so much time worrying about Noah and I did you forget to watch out for yourself? Oh My Love, you have to pull through. You see I have a surprise for you. I should have done it a long time ago but I was scared. I was scared that I wouldn't be enough for you that you couldn't really love Noah and me enough to stay with us. Now the only thing that I'm scared of is losing you and having to tell Noah that his Papi isn't coming home. Please don't make me do that. Please don't leave me Raf." She said the words coming in between breaks of sobs as she leaned over him.

.She say there for a long while holding his hand and praying for him. She knew she needed to let Lucia come in to see him. She leaned over and kissed his forehead, "I will be back soon My Love."

When she returned to the waiting room she was shocked to find Jack McCoy sitting with Lucia.

"Jack," She said as the older lawyer stood and embraced her.

"How are you Olivia?" He asked, "How is Barba?"

"I'm ok and Barba is going to be fine, you know him, perhaps the only person on the planet more stubborn than I am." She said with a laugh. "How is the case any word from the jury?"

"Not yet, we will keep this case separate. I will personally oversee it, plus I will be sitting in for Barba when the jury comes back." He told her.

"Thank you Jack." She told him knowing he hadn't tried a case in years but next to Barba he was the best she had ever seen.

"Call me directly if you need anything." He told her as he left.

Lucia came back from visiting with Raf and the nurse followed her. "It will likely be several more hours before he is awake. The two of you should go home and get some rest. I will personally call you if anything changes."

The women hesitated but ultimately agreed, Olivia needing desperately to hold her son. When she reached the apartment the officers quickly asked about Barba and she thanked them. It was almost midnight and she found Lucy holding Noah on the couch.

" I think he had a bad dream. He was asking for Rafael." The babysitter explained.

Olivia nodded, "Raf is good with bad dreams. Lucy, do you mind staying? I'm going to sleep for a couple hours and then go back."

"Of course not Liv, whatever you need." Lucy said.

Olivia gathered Noah and carried him to her bed. She laid him down and changed clothes when she got into bed Noah instantly curled up next to her, half asleep her asked her, "Where's Papi, Momma?"

"Papi will be home soon, Sweet Boy." She said kissing his head and pulling him close praying that her words were true.

Olivia woke just a few hours later, showered and left Noah sleeping in her and Raf's bed. Lucy was asleep on the couch. She left her a note and headed to the hospital. A new nurse was on duty when she arrived.

"I'm here to see Mr. Barba." She told her.

"You must be Lieutenant Benson, Mary told me you wouldn't be gone long. You can go and sit with him." She said with a smile.

Olivia sat back in the chair and held Raf's hand again, "Hi My Love, I went home for a while. Our boy had a bad dream and wanted you. You know he always wants you when he has a bad dream, also I can't sing in Spanish and he likes that so I really need you to wake up." She told him.

"He also likes my eggs better." She heard Raf say weekly.

Olivia looked up in shock, "Raf, you are awake! Nurse, he's awake!" She called out as she placed a hand on his face. "Rafael Barba don't you ever do this to me again." She said tears running down her face.

The nurse came over at once. "Good morning . Lieutenant Benson we need you to step out so we can check him."

Olivia nodded, "I'm going to go call your mother." She told.

Raf managed to roll his eyes, " Do you have to do that?" He asked.

Olivia just shook her head, "Yes" she said with a laugh.

Several hours later the doctors had cleared him to be transferred to his own room in the cardiac unit so they could best monitor any hear complications for a couple of days but by all signs the worst was over. All of Olivia's team had been by to check on them and Barba was pretty sure that she had told them that one of them had to stay while she ran home to get Noah. That was how he ended up alone in his hospital room with Finn.

"Finn, I assume my clothes and everything I had with me are in evidence now right?" Barba asked him.

"Yeah, shame about that new suit Liv just got you." Finn laughed.

"Finn, I need you to get me something out of evidence." Barba said quietly drawing a concerned look from Finn.

'What would that be Counselor?" He asked him.

"It's something that I picked up for Liv yesterday that I would really rather her get from me not a property clerk." He explained.

Finn smiled and nodded, "I understand. I'll take care of it."

"Papi!" they head Noah yelling coming down the hall.

"Noah remember Papi has a big ouchie and we have to be careful." Olivia said,

"No, ceni aqui hijo." He told Noah motioning for him to climb up on the bed with him. He looked at Olivia, "You sit over here, he said patting the other side of his bed.

Olivia smiled as she sat down next to him, "You must be feeling better you are getting bossy."

"I missed you last night Papi." Noah said curling up next to him, "Will you come home and put me to bed tonight?"

"Not tonight hijo, but can you do me a favor?" He asked him seriously.

"What Papi" The boy asked.

'Can you sleep in my spot and make sure Momma doesn't have any bad dreams until I get home?" He said as he held the boy as closely as he could without hurting himself.

"I will Papi."He told him.

"Well I am glad to see you are doing better Barba." Jack McCoy's voice came from the doorway.

"Sir, thank you, any word from the jury?" He asked

Jack smiled, "In fact I just came from the courthouse, guilty on all counts. I wanted to tell you myself. You did a hell of a job Counselor."

"Thank you Jack." Barba said.

"Now I'm ordering you to not think about work until the doctors give you the all clear. Do you understand me?" He said sternly.

"Don't worry; I will make sure of that." Olivia said not moving from the other side of the bed.

Jack laughed, "I am sure you will Lieutenant. You've got a good little family here Barba, you get well so that you can take care of them."

"Yes sir, I plan on it." Barba told him. "For a very long time"

TBC

A/N Thank you all again for the wonderful feedback, I tried to respond to most of them if you have an account. Also, of you are not a long time SVU viewer or did not watch the original L &O jack McCoy was the longtime Executive ADA and eventual ADA and one of my favorite TV characters.


	7. Chapter 7

What if Something Happens

Warning- The start of this chapter probably a little closer to M than the earlier chapters.

Chapter 7

Olivia rolled over and turned the alarm off. She was glad it was Friday and really hoped that they didn't catch a case and she could be off all weekend. Raf had appointments with both his doctor and Dr. Lindstrom if they both cleared him he would go back to work on Monday. She left him still snoozing in the bed as she headed for the shower. He might as well enjoy one last day of sleeping in.

She closed her eyes as the water ran over her and jumped when she heard his voice from behind her, "Do you need some help in here?" he asked.

She bit her lip as she looked over him and smiled before saying, "I don't think you've been cleared for this yet Counselor."

He pulled her in for a long kiss running his hands through her hair, "I don't need any clearance to wash your hair for you do I?" He asked.

Olivia smiled she had missed this intimacy the last couple of weeks as he had been healing. She kissed him one more time before turning around. He slowly began to massage her scalp working the shampoo through it taking his time to work his hands slowly through her shoulder length hair.

"I like it this length." He said softly as he scooted it off her neck to place a few kisses alongside it before he began to rinse her hair. He repeated his actions with her conditioner taking his time smiling when he heard her try and stifle a moan or a sigh.

"Sorry, I haven't been cleared for duty yet Lieutenant." He said as he picked up her shower gel and began to lather it along her body. He smiled again when all she managed was a muffled sound. "God you are beautiful." He said as her turned her back around and began to kiss her.

They stood there in the steam of the shower kissing and touching Olivia's hand stopping when she reached the newly forming scar just below his chest. She pulled back from his kiss and lightly ran her finger over it. "Does it still hurt?" She asked him

"Not too much." He told her truthfully. "I guess we both have our scars now." He said as he gently kissed one of the scars left on her shoulder by William Lewis as he had done so many times before. The first night they made love she asked him if they bothered him he told her, "No, they remind me how I almost lost you but that you are a fighter and a survivor."

"Now we both know how easily we could lose each other and that we are both fighters." She said before she kissed him again. She pulled back suddenly when she heard the knocking on the door.

"Mamma? Papi?" Noah called out.

Barba gave her one more kiss, "You get ready for work. I've got him."

A few hours later Olivia was standing in the squad room talking with her team when the front desk officer came in carrying a vase full of red roses.

"Delivery for Lieutenant Benson," He said with a smile.

Olivia blushed a little and thanked him taking the case from him.

"Want us to read the card for you Liv?" Finn teased.

"I've got it." She said

"Nice of Barba to send you flowers for Jessie's birthday." Rollins laughed.

Olivia's eyes flew open, "It's Jessie's birthday? Oh crap." Olivia said.

"What?" Rollins asked confused.

"Well, the first time Barba came over and took Noah and I out was when Jessie was born." She explained.

"It's your anniversary Lieutenant." Carisi said.

"Hope you got Barba something." Finn laughed.

Olivia smiled thinking about the adoption papers sitting in her drawer that she had been waiting to give him.

"I've got that covered." She told them heeding back to her office.

It wasn't too much longer when Barba came strolling into her office.

"Happy anniversary," he said with a grin.

Olivia smiled up at him from her desk, "Happy anniversary, I was thinking do you want me to see if Lucy can keep Noah tonight and we could go out just the two of us?" She asked.

"Actually, my mom offered to keep him over night if we want." He told her.

"Overnight? He's never spent the night with anyone else." Olivia worried.

"It's his Abuletia Liv, he will love every minute. She will spoil him rotten." He said hoping to convince her.

"All right, I guess after a year we are due for a night to ourselves." She said.

"All right, I will get him to my mom. How about you try to get out of here early?" He asked with a smile.

Liv nodded, "I can do that. How about we go back to that Spanish place you took me and Noah to?" she said as she was thinking back to her original plan.

"Perfect" Barba told her with a grin.

BarsonBarsonBarson

They sat together on the same side of the booth not carrying about anyone in the restaurant. They shared food and kissed between bites and Barba kept one hand on Olivia's leg just below the hem of the new dress she had managed to get that afternoon.

"When you brought us here a year ago could you have ever pictured this?" Olivia asked him after they had finished eating and most of the restaurant was empty.

"No, honestly never," He told her, "My life this last year has been better than I could have ever imagined Liv. What I have found with you and with Noah is what I have always needed. I don't know what I would do without you."

She leaned over and kissed him, "I don't plan on you finding out."

Barba smiled at her, "I'm glad you feel that way." He said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring he had been hiding for weeks now. "Olivia Benson, will you please marry me?"

Olivia stared at the ring that was without a doubt the most beautiful one she had ever seen. Then she looked back at the face of the man that she loved.

She smiled at him, "I will on one condition."

Barba laughed, "I ask you to marry me and you want to deal. Maybe you should have been the lawyer."

Olivia reached into her purse and pulled out the envelope and handed it to him. She watched his face as he opened it and read the papers tears forming in his eyes.

"Liv…"was all he could say before he felt her lips crashing into his.

"Yes, Raf I will marry you if you will legally adopt Noah and promise to raise him as your own whether or not something ever happens to me."

Barba smiled at her, "I like your deal."

BarsonBarsonBarson

Six weeks later on New Year's Eve they stood at the front of the Unitarian church where Noah had been baptized. The day before the judge had signed the papers officially naming Raf Noah's father.

"I want to start the New Year officially a family." Liv had explained to Lucia when she asked if she wanted more time to plan a wedding.

Captain Cragen walked Oliva down the aisle and placed her hand in Barba's and kissed her cheek, "Be good to each other." He said before going to sit down.

Noah held the rings proudly as his Momma and Papi promised to love each other forever. He let out a giggle as they kissed but smiled when Barba picked him up and carried him as he and Olivia walked back down the aisle.

They had rented out their little Spanish restaurant for their reception. With their friends they danced and laughed throughout the night. Just before midnight Raf pulled Olivia to the dance floor one more time. "Looks like our son didn't make it to the New Year." He said pointing to wear Noah was sleeping with his head in Lucia's lap.

The music started as Barba pulled Oliva close to him and she listened to the words:

 _You never know when you're gonna meet someone_

 _And your whole wide world in a moment comes undone_

 _You're just walking around and suddenly_

 _Everything that you thought that you knew about love is gone_

 _You find out it's all been wrong_

 _And all my scars don't seem to matter anymore_

 _Cause they led me here to you_

 _I know that its gonna take some time_

 _I've got to admit that the thought has crossed my mind_

 _This might end up like it should_

 _And I'm gonna say what I need to say_

 _And hope to God that it don't scare you away_

 _Don't wanna be misunderstood_

 _But I'm starting to believe that this could be the start of something good_

Olivia smiled at her husband,"This is definitely the start of something good."

Suddenly they heard the cheers erupting from the streets of New York and knew it was midnight. Together as husband and wife they held each other and kissed in the New Year.

The End

A/N Song Credits to Daughtry and thanks to the video on youtube by Winchimiga for giving me the idea, if you haven't watched it go check it out. Again thank you to all of you who have read followed this story, favorited it and left feedback, it means so much!


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